As in German, Italian clearly distinguishes between formal and informal forms of address. To express respect and distance, speakers use dare del lei. This polite form is essential at work, when speaking to older people or when meeting someone for the first time. The choice between the familiar “tu” and the formal “lei” reveals much about the social relationship between the speakers.
Listening and Speaking
(pronunciation: DA-re del LEY)
Literal translation
Literally: to give someone ‘Lei’. Meaning: to address someone formally.
Meaning and Attitude Toward Life
The Turn dare del lei means addressing someone formally. It refers to the polite pronoun “Lei”, which takes the third-person singular. It is used with strangers, older people, superiors or in formal situations to show respect and maintain some distance. Deciding whether to address someone informally (“dare del tu”) or formally is an important social signal. Moving from “Lei” to “tu” often marks a closer relationship. This is commonly introduced with “Possiamo darci del tu?”, meaning “Can we use the informal ‘tu’ with each other?”
Origins and History
Using the third-person singular as a polite form has a long history. It developed from honorific titles such as “Vostra Signoria” (Your Lordship) or “Vostra Eccellenza” (Your Excellency). Because these nouns are grammatically feminine, the related verbs and pronouns also took the feminine third-person singular. Over time, this elaborate form was shortened to the simple pronoun “Lei”. This explains why a feminine pronoun is also used when addressing a man formally.
Application example
- Scusi, signor Rossi, posso farLe una domanda? Non vorrei disturbarLa.
- Excuse me, Mr Rossi, may I ask you a question? I do not want to disturb you.
Cultural Tip
In Italy, formal address is used more consistently in everyday life than it often is in German. It is the norm in shops, restaurants and public offices. This form of courtesy is particularly valued in southern Italy. It is considered impolite to suggest using the informal “tu” to someone older or of higher rank yourself; you should wait until the other person proposes it.
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